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Okay, so before I get into the awesomeness of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (RARHOFIC)… I need to tell you about the worst — and yet most comical event of the weekend.

I call it "The Wardrobe Malfunction."

Okay. So the attire is "Rock and Roll Black Tie" or whatever the hell that means. To me, it means a tux. So I go and rent one. I get measured, try on a few options and find one that I like. It fits well and I'm pleased. So I pay for it and agree to pick it up on my way to the airport on Saturday.

So I pick it up, get to NY and hang it in the closet of my hotel. Monday, around 4:30 PM, I start getting ready…

TO MY HORROR, the pants are 6" too big in the wasit and 4" too short in the legs. I mean, you can see my bare white legs. This is definitely not Rock and Roll. So I think "okay, I'll just wear them a bit lower." But that doesn't work either because they're effing enormous. And they don't have belt loops, so I can't wear a belt.

I try to use safety pins but there's just too much fabric. NOT GOOD.

Finally, after 30 minutes of trying to find a solution, I did the only thing that I could think of.

I wrapped THREE (3) bath towels around my waist, secured them with a belt and then put on my pants. And let me just be the first to say that if you have never done this, please try it as it will truly change your life.

So I finally get everything situated. The pants are still INCREDIBLY loose, but they're workable, because I've just added roughly 5" of mass to my body. I mean I felt like a stuck pig in the mud.

As I start walking down the hall, I realize that it's not easy to walk with three bath towels strapped to your body.

I arrive to the Waldorf and walk into the cocktail party. I stand in one location for an hour, giving people that "oh yeah hey, I would talk to you but I've got three bath towels wrapped around my waist" look.

So after about an hour of drinking wine and being self conscious, I walk into the room and sit at my table. I think to myself "naah, there won't be anyone really famous at my table. No way."

Well, in walks Sting. And Prince.

Oops.

So of course there is a standing ovation after every nuance of this thing, and every time I get up to clap, I have a horrible fear that my pants won't be coming with me on this journey. That only happened once. Thank God I caught it in time. There is absolutely NO WAY that I could save face from wearing a damn toga under my tuxedo.

Oh, and to top it all off, it was 95 degrees EASY in the room. Yeahhhh…

So there you have it, folks. Never rent from American Tuxedo. They will set you up to fail. And by fail, I mean have your pants drop at a televised function.