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Random Thoughts…

Posted on August 24, 2009 no comments

Thanks to Brittany for sending me this little nugget of gold this afternoon.

  • I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.


  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I     can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.


  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.


  • I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
    was younger.


  • Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it 
    wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that,     but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.


  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.


  • Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger     and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.


  • How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
    hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately 
    clear your computer history if you die.


  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying
    to finish a text.


  • Was learning cursive really necessary?


  • Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing
    else to say".


  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
    and hunger.


  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a
    Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.


  • My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the
    Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual
    stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat
    you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.


  • Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street
    smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary
    smart".


  • How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
    nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
    teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
    instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart .


  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty
    sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
    the person died.


  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
    dirty, and you can wear them forever.


  • I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

  • Bad decisions make good stories


  • Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier
    every year?


  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their
    offspring would probably just be completely invisible.


  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has
    to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get
    so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm
    from; this shouldn't be a problem….

  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
    work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I
    don't want to have to restart my collection.


  • There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you
    are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too     far.


  • "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash 
    this ever.


  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
    seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


  • When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something
    she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some
    light internet stalking.


  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
    drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I
    always hate cyclists.


  • Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
    still not know what time it is.


  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.


  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
    not to answer when they call.


  • I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a
    kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment
    will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in
    college.


  • My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what
    would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I
    respond to that?


  • I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone
    they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

  • The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the
    bag, saw they had incl uded four sets of plastic silverware. In
    other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a
    second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must
    be at least four people eating to require such a large amount
    of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like
    being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

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